A teacher LIT ME UP today and it was unnecessary and so awkward.
It’s the most wonderful time of the school year. All of us are so exhausted and tired and overwhelmed and…testy. Everyone’s on edge because of the stress of closing out the first semester that we lose our patience with each other.
I can only assume that this teacher was also tired and on edge and because of that she took out her frustration on me. While this was a really negative interaction, that I do hope we can get past, I did learn a few things about myself.
To explain, let me share what happened:
Last year our district decided that we were going to move towards common assessments in lieu of benchmarks. As teachers, we were thrilled at the idea that we wouldn’t have to give up class time to administer these extra standardized tests.
Well, it’s final exam season and as a Lead teacher I am responsible for working with my team to finalize the semester 1 final exam. After discussing with everyone, and going back and forth with edits via email, we finalized the final exam.
The day before we were to administer the test one of our teachers asked if she could change one of the problems, just for her test, because she felt her students needed a different version of the problem. She assured me it would cover the same standards as the original question.
I was quick to answer. As she was explaining it to me it all sounded good. It sounded logical; she would be covering the same standard on her assessment as the original. The math would be the same. No big deal, right?
Me: “Sure, that sounds fine. No big deal.”
Teacher: “Okay, are you sure? You’re fine with me changing it?”
Me: “Yeah, you’re covering the same math so it’s fine. Go ahead!”
This conversation probably took a whole of 3 minutes. When I got off the phone I immediately had a weird feeling about my decision. While it all sounded very logical I started replaying other conversations I had the previous week, about this exact final exam, with our assistant principal (AP) that supervises the math department.
I remembered that our AP was not happy that our assessments were not the same. You see, we had to write a separate final for another teacher on our team that is a chapter and a half behind the rest of us. Even though it was obviously necessary for that teacher to have a different final, our AP was still not happy about it. I realized that I probably spoke too soon and maybe it wasn’t the best idea to have authorized now technically a third version of the final exam.
So, I called the teacher back and explained all of this. I explained that the intent is for us to have common assessments and if we continue to allow each other exceptions to the rule, however minor they are, we will never get to where the department is trying to go. And because we had so much back and forth about this particular final with our AP, I expressed that we should run it by our AP first before she changed the final.
It did not go over well and that’s when our conversation went south (like, really south.) I should note that this isn’t like her; we have a great working relationship and I was floored by all of this. Maybe it’s because she didn’t get her way, maybe it’s because I changed my mind and came across indecisive, maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with me or maybe it has everything to do with me. In any case, that’s how it went and it was awkward.
So, what did I learn from all of this?
- I’m so grateful to be a Lead teacher. It’s a low-stakes, little leadership role in our department; it’s a great opportunity for me to take risks and make mistakes, so that I can learn and grow.
- I want my yes’s to mean yes and my no’s to mean no. I don’t want to come across indecisive or give the impression that I’m not certain of the decisions that I make. When I had to call back to change my mind, I wonder if it seemed like someone else influenced me after the fact and if that makes me appear to be easily persuaded. I want to communicate that I’m confident in my decisions.
- I’m a people pleaser and, “yes,” sits on the tip of my tongue all the time. For me, saying “no” feels like I’m shutting someone down. I want to encourage creative ideas and make people feel validated. I can accomplish that same thing, but also make confident and solid decisions, by saying the phrase, “Let me think about it and get back to you,” instead of an immediate, “Yes!” I’m pretty good about looking at situations from all angles; saying this phrase buys me the time I need to analyze something completely to make a sound decision. I’m going to practice saying it so that phrase sits on the tip of my tongue at all times.
Eleanor Roosevelt had it right and I’ve got a lot to learn.
~PV~
Patricia Vandenberg 